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| 24/INFINITY LIFE CRISIS (miscellaneous)** Note: i'm soon going to be moving to a real blog and no longer xanga. this is because a) no one writes on xanga anymore, b) you'll love using an rss aggregator, and c) everyone can post comments. so seriously, do yourself a favor and learn about rss feeds and aggregation. it'll change how you use the internet. for more info click wikipedia or check out a reader like maybe bloglines or google reader .
as i sit here, i'm still waiting for the feeling to come back to my
jaw. i went to the dentist today to fill up a tooth. apparently the
sealant that was put in there years ago had worn off, so he needed to
make the left side of my mouth feel disfigured.
what's funny is
that until a few minutes ago, my left ear was also incapacitated,
leaving me with just one functioning side of my head. i had
successfully rammed a piece of ear wax up into the inner canal while
trying to clear it out with a q-tip. the lession: fuck q-tips. luckily
my dentist had the answer for that situation too. he handed me a
plastic squirting syringe and informed me that (in addition to being a
fabulous toy worth several giggles) it could be used to inject water
into my ear to flush out the ear wax. after about a half hour in the
bathroom of firing warm water into my ear (during which time every guy
that walked in must have been completely confused), i successfully
dislodged the blockage and now instead of hearing "mrr mrrrrr mrrr mr
mr" i'm hearing normal words. i immediately declared this a hallmark
day (also a Hallmark day) in my head. really. it's just a fantastic
resolution to a terrible personal crisis.
i think that, as
someone in my early-20's, i am prone to constantly declaring a state of
personal crisis. it's not just me either. every week i seem to have
somebody around my age tell me how he/she has JUST hit a quarter-life
crisis (nevermind that he told me the same thing last week, which makes
me wonder whether he has recently received some information that
lengthens his life expectancy). the question is "why exactly are we, as
an age range, having so many crises? as an aside, to be answered on
your own time, what makes us think we will be living until 92 or 96?
i
think that it's not that we are having so many crises, it's just that
the real world (read: post-school) is just inundated with constant
crises. be honest, that's the reason half of your friends stayed in
school longer: the avoidance of those crises. how do i get a job offer?
what offer do i take? where do i live? who do i live with? what do i do
on thursday night? how am i going to hang out with that girl again?
it's a constant struggle.
that's kind of sobering, if you think
about it. YOUR life, from now until you die (or at least until you
retire), will just be crisis after crisis. the big ones you'll label
"quarter-life" or "mid-life" or "3/8-life". and that brings me back to
the "quarter life crisis" of my age, which can aptly be labeled "i'm
not loving my job and i feel like there should be MORE." we spend lots
of time thinking about what we want to DO with our lives at this age,
but that assumes a certain amount of "constant doing" after we figure
it out. really, why would you want to "figure it out," because then
you'll be doing the same thing for the next 30 years.
the
difficulty sometimes is explaining to somebody that you HAVEN'T figured
it out or, more precisely, that the only thing you've figured out is
one thing you DON'T want to be doing. yesterday i talked with a
recruiter about a company that she works with. she mentioned to me that
i might have a better chance of getting with a company around my
subject experience: enterprise software. luckily, she also happens to
work with several start-ups in that area. i jotted down a few notes
from her and thanked her for her time. it was such a strange thing for
her to propose, considering that i had explained to her that i don't
really LIKE enterprise software. but i realized that she just assumed
that i would want to directly build on this great experience i've
gained. and therein lies the real question that we should all be asking
ourselves at this "quarter-life crisis": do i have the balls to sack up
and reverse field? call it the "good will hunting crisis." and you know
what, this crisis is WAY better than the mid-life crisis, because a) i
have no obligations except to myself, and b) i've got a lot of field
ahead of me to run.
it's not the quarter-life crisis. i'm calling it the "24/infinity life crisis." | | |
| FRIDAY AND AN INTERESTING POKER HAND (poker, miscellaneous)ESPN Poker Bad Beat Story: read here for one of
the single greatest poker stories i've ever heard. don't worry, no
substantial poker knowledge needed. the lesson? do not EVER argue with
an old lady at the poker table. she will be spiteful and she will make
you pay. young men especially. if she sucks out on you with a
one-outter, shut your mouth.
heading up to tahoe tonight for a one-day stint at kirkwood. i picked up a
nice new set of jacket and pants for my snow gear, so i should be warm
this time. the snow should also be nice due to the recent rain. nice.
is it strange to be insanely excited about better traffic? ever since i
moved down to mountain view, my commute has been pretty horrible due to
the 101-85 interchange. apparently there are a few big companies at
shoreline (read: microsoft, google) and all those employees clog the
shit out of my path from 85-101. anyhow, the horrific construction has
been finished, leading to felix sending me this exciting
news story. now maybe i won't be so grumpy when i get to work.
super bowl prediction: i've been picking against the steelers for the
entire playoffs, so i'm gonna go the other direction now. i still
believe that if carson palmer doesn't get hurt the steelers get
trounced in their game, but i've gotta pick the steelers this time.
now, for those of you actually interested in hearing about poker, an
interesting hand story from the other night at garden city. stop
reading if you're not interested.
** From my point of view **
8-16 game. i'm on the big blind. everyone folds to the cut-off, who
raises it. now the guy sorta has it out for me after i crushed him on
an enormous pot earlier (2c3c on the button. he flops a set of fives. i
turn the wheel.). he's a pretty tricky player and very aggressive, so i
think he's probably stealing. button and small blind fold. i look down
at Ah6c. i think about re-raising here to take the lead, but i decide
to smooth-call (i personally think either play is fine against this
type of player). $36 in the pot.
flop comes Jc6d2s. i check. he bets. i raise. he thinks and calls. now
here i'm thinking that he doesn't have much. he's aggressive enough
that if he has a J or an overpair he's going to re-raise. he's probably
putting me on a J. i do think i have the best hand. i imagine i'm
looking at overcards or maybe an Ax hand. $68 in the pot.
turn comes Js. that's actually a pretty good card for me i think, since
i feel like i could rule out a J in his hand. i bet. he raises. now i'm
thinking he could possibly have the J. but it's either that or a flush
draw. i'm thinking it's hte flush draw with overcards. now here's where
i make a mistake in retrospect. if i re-raise, he has to give me credit
for a J. it's hard to imagine that he thinks that i think that he's
semi-bluffing. instead, i just smooth-call, which was a bad idea. $132
in the pot.
river comes 9c. i check to the raiser. he bets. i think hard for a
while. if he had a flush draw i feel he didn't hit. he has to be
betting a complete bluff here trying to steal it. has to. i call. $164
in the pot.
he flips over As9s. mmph.
i've been thinking this hand over a lot. i do sort of feel like it was
my only bad play from the night. if i had re-raised on the turn and bet
on the river, he has to lay it down, doesn't he? i think it's 25-75
whether he lays it down. now reversing it, let's think about what i
would have done if i had been playing against myself both ways there:
** From his point of view **
As9s on the cut-off, folded to me. i would certainly raise with that
hand in an un-entered pot from that late position. the big blind, a
pretty solid aggressive player smooth calls.
flop comes Jc6d2s. he checks. i would certainly bet my A-high here. i
took the betting lead before the flop and he's on the big blind. i'm
probably still good. he check-raises me. the range of hands i put him
on here would actually pretty enormous. an overpair slow-playing
pre-flop heads up. a middle pair. a 6 with a good kicker. a J. i think
in most cases here i actually fold. getting check-raised on a flop like
that, potentially with only 3 Ace outs. i guess it's debatable, but i
think i fold. anyhow, he calls so let's pretend i call.
turn comes Js. he bets again. that's actually a pretty good card for
me. if he has a J then it's bad, but i've now got nine outs. if he
doesn't have a J then i can semi-bluff here. i would raise as he did.
now here's the interesting question. let's now say my opponent
re-raised. i would have to give him credit for a J or an overpair. i
would have pot odds to call anyway. if he smooth-calls here i can
probably rule out a J or overpair, based on his table image. i'm
probably staring at a middle pair of 6 with a good kicker. (thinking
about this in retrospect, i should have re-raised in real life).
river comes 9c. now looking at it, if he re-raised on the turn, i would
have to think long and hard about folding even as i paired my 9. i'm
probably beat. really the only hands i could beat are 7's, 8's, 6's, or
a bluff. he's shown a lot of strength. now that's not saying THIS guy
would've folded, but he would've had to think about it.
as it actually went down, i would certainly have bet out if i were him. nothing wrong there on the end.
this is the kind of post-hand analysis that makes me sick; in
retrospect it's so clear. would he have folded? i actually doubt it.
the guy was sort of out to get me. but it would've made for a tough
decision by him and i would've only invested $16 more dollars to have
(maybe) a 30% shot at winning. next time, i guess...
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| MCNABB (sports)so now donovan mcnabb
sees it as his time to go off ( ESPN.com).
i, for one, am actually very disappointed. in a world of sports stars
that constantly pander to public opinion, donovan had always struck me
as a guy that was a strong enough individual to fight off the urges to
retaliate. TO saying that he got tired in the super bowl? shrug it off
and play football. yes, he has taken a lot of abuse lately, from many
sources. but how does lashing out at TO or the NAACP dude or anyone
really help mcnabb? now though, in uncovering all
the madness and spitting back at TO, mcnabb has reduced himself, in my
eyes, to another athlete that proved himself NOT above it all. say what
you will about kobe (and i certainly do), but the one thing kobe bryant
never does is respond to off-court verbal abuse. for that you have to
respect the man. i guess. in times like these, i
would just ask myself "WWMD?" M, of course, being the one and only
Mike. what would mike have done if scottie had suddenly started ripping
on him, belittling his failures in his comeback playoffs against the
orlando magic that year? well, if scottie wasn't immediately shown the
door (which he would have been), you probably would've seen mike
respond with nothing in public. sure, on the court you probably
would've seen him phase scottie out of entire quarters and generally
ignore him. but in the media? nothing. when scottie was finally moved,
i think you would've seen mike go out of his way to destroy scottie
every time they played, probably guarding him for 48 minutes and
torching him for 60. i feel like donovan really
had a chance to do that. prove the detractors wrong. prove your
believers right. instead, he wants to let people know that he's the
good guy. *shrug*. i just don't see why. | | |
| DOING WHAT YOU LOVE (miscellaneous)i've done a lot of soul-searching in the past week or so about what to do with my life. or more precisely, what to do next, which will obviously lead to what i do with my life. more on this when i actually figure it out. in the meantime, all i know is that i should do what i love. how do i figure that out? good question, answered here: "How to Do What You Love"
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| RETURN TO THE FELT (poker)so it took me long enough, but i finally got back to the felt last night at garden city. it was actually the first real live game i played in since getting one-outted at bellagio new year's day. that is a LONG time between sessions. in the meantime i had been keeping busy and playing a small bit online.
i was reminded of how different playing in a live game is. the speed of the action, the physical tells, the multiple levels of thinking. it was fun to get back to it. i'll be re-instituting the wednesday night poker sessions from now on and treating it like a hard job.
how'd i do? well, i grinded out a $42 win. not bad for the first day back. i made three different mistakes playing 6-12 hold'em that probably cost me about $100 in pots. interestingly enough, the mistakes were all on passive play, when the guy was actually weak and probably would have folded to a bet, raise, or re-raise. one hand that in which i made a horrid mistake went as so:
two limpers to me in the cut-off. i see Ah8h. i raise it up to two bets. the button had just sat down, didn't even have chips yet. he called. the big blind and the two limpers called. flop came 10-high with two hearts. checked around to me. i bet (10 small bets in the middle already). button called. other three players folded. now here's where i begin to fuck up. turn card comes blank. inexplicably, i check. inexplicably, he checks. remember that there are 12 small bets out there. river comes another T, not a heart. now here i should take the pot away. my A-high is unlikely to stand up on its own here, but he hasn't shown any strength at all. for some bizarre reason i checked it down, hoping not to invest more money in the pot. he checks and flips over AQ. i muck and go puke outside. i'm still sick about how i played the hand. if i follow up on the turn and/or river with aggression, he lays the hand down easily. ugh.
anyhow, i managed to right myself and actually play pretty well after a while, ending up $78 playing hold'em. i hit a couple of bad spots playing Stud-8 later on in the evening and ended the night with a small win. not bad considering i made several horrific mistakes in both games. the one thing i am proud of is that i got up and left the 6-12 table when the table got tough. proper table selection is something i need to work on.
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